I HATE DIY PROJECTS! I really, really do. And in this world of home & garden blogging saying that is likely to get me completely black listed before I even get started, but I don't care. I have to let it out. I just cannot stand do it yourself projects.
All day long, I see these amazing posts of people turning seemingly useless things into miraculous pieces of delight. Each time, a before and after picture produces ooohhhs and ahhhs from admirers both near and far. Today a fantastic blogger I know made an outdoor sofa in less than 4 hours. She designed it, cut the wood, nailed it together, stained it and found cushions for it in less than 4 hours. How is that humanly possible???
Every once in a while, I start to think...I am creative. I am good at this design stuff. I am going to DO IT!!! I buy every thing they tell me to get. I lay out each item carefully and take the directions step by step. And without fail, every single time, it ends up looking like crap. Take for instance my dining room chairs. I literally copied the exact directions I found on a blog down to buying the bizarre wrought iron acrylic low lustre paint she insisted I buy. I sanded, I painted, I sanded again. I even polyed. And you know what? They still look like crap close up and when you sit on them your clothes get a nice sand blasted look circa 1980s stone wash. Total debacle. What the hell?!
Or how about my brilliant idea today to wallpaper my basement bath with peel and stick wallpaper I saw at Target. Because we had some pipe issues after we moved back in, they tore up the walls in that bathroom and when they painted them again, they used the wrong color. So there are two shades of blue in that small bathroom and it's been driving me nuts. So while shopping today, I saw this peel and stick wallpaper and thought...well even I could do that. I should have known better given the experience my mom and I went through earlier this year. If you haven't read about that disaster, it may help give you some context for what happened today. But I went for it anyway - I mean what idiot can't peel paper off a something and stick it on the wall right???
I kept trying to be zen and "let gravity be my guide" as the instructions said. But it kept bubbling and going on crooked and getting stuck to itself. I kept "gently removing and repositioning it" as I was told but it was a complete and utter mess. I finally got a piece on (on a full tilt) and found out that lining up the pattern was not as easy as they made it sound. Maybe if you have a 10x10 room with nothing but straight lines it would have worked, but how about a bathroom with wall sockets, and a sink and a toilet and even a soffit. How the hell is someone supposed to just let gravity be their guide around a freaking toilet? (Ok don't answer that). Anyway, after my son came down and stared at it without saying a word and left, I decided my time was up. I crumpled it up in a ball and stomped on it until it was dead. And this is why I hate DIY.
Now don't get me wrong. I am incredibly impressed by people who can do this stuff. I am the first one to Like their pictures and I stare at their project with a mixture of awe and envy. And I am not totally without talent. In fact, I am a painting fool. I have painted more rooms than I can count - I even painted stripes up my stairs remember? I am like the freaking Yoda of painting walls. See?
But that is where my DIY talents end and I know this. Please, please don't ask me to build you anything. Or transform a settee into a modern day masterpiece. Or create a coffee table from an old tire. Oh and don't even get me started on crafts....if I ever go to prison and they really want to punish me, they will give me the task of making Thanksgiving turkeys out of Oreos and candy corn (Google it).
Ok. I have confessed. I feel better. Now off to call my wallpaper guy and see if he'll do peel and stick.